Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Soulmates and Fast Love

I had a fascinating discussion the other day with a friend who has never been married who was convinced that falling in love fast was the only way to do it. He sent me this article and this one to prove his point.

It made me think.

I had a fast romance. It lasted for 12 years and now it's ending. But, I don't think it being fast has anything to do with it. From my experience and my observations, here's what you need for a relationship to last: Commitment. That's it - 100% all in from both sides. You will not always feel "in love." You will not always have amazing times and chemistry, but if you are committed, it will last.

Why do relationships fail? Because someone stops the commitment. That's it. Either someone did not participate fully in the commitment and they grew apart or stopped caring or took the person for granted or stopped contributing to the relationship or hurt the other person beyond repair or cheated. But in the end, these things happen when one or both partners stop being committed. One-sided commitment doesn't work.

And the reality is, that this can happen if you married them after 5 days, 5 years, or even a decade. You can be with someone for a short time and be committed and it can be amazing and last forever. You can have an arranged marriage (I'm thinking like more modern Indian arranged marriages where the individual has some say, but the parents provide the options--not a child bride thing!). You can date someone and live with them for 10 years and STILL people can change. STILL people can lapse in their commitments. And relationships can still end if people stop being committed.

So enjoy your fast love or your slow one, but know that there is no protection from another person stopping their commitment to you. But that shouldn't keep you from trying. I wish you the best in love!