Monday, April 03, 2017


"It's not fair that my friends [whose parents are divorced, etc.] get to see their Dads," she said to me. "It's different. I don't get to see him at all."


Sorry, kid. It's not fair.

It's not fair at all that I am left holding everything up alone.
It's not fair that he left and gets to live for free with tons of help.
It's not fair that I'm here, alone, with no family and minimal support.
It's not fair that I can't exercise.
It's not fair that I can't afford childcare.
It's not fair that I can never leave my house because of your brother's sleep schedule.
It's not fair that he gets a $600,000 payout but claims he "can't afford" to live near you.
It's not fair that he doesn't have to work while I'm stretched to maximum capacity working 2 jobs to support him and 2 kids and myself.
It's not fair that I'm alone with 2 kids and 2 jobs that I never EVER get a break. I don't even get an evening or an afternoon to hand off the kids.
It's not fair that he wants to Skype with you and is upset that he doesn't get to more because HE made the choice to leave.
It's not fair that we can barely fit Skyping into our schedule because I'm so busy with everything else, but I have to because how else will you see your dad.
It's not fair that with the kids, the jobs, and taking care of myself and the house and the cooking and the cleaning and the boy that never stops moving that I don't have time to spend with you. That I am so spent at the end of the day I have nothing left to offer you.
It's not fair that I don't have time to go grocery shopping or run errands or go to the library or take you somewhere fun because I have so many other things I have to take care of. Alone.

You went from an only child with 2 parents to a sibling to one parent and a sibling. And now you can't get what you need most of the time, other than food, shelter, and clothing. I wish I had more to give you. I would give up a lot to have more for you. I'm sorry that it isn't fair. But I'm trying.